I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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