i permit you to call me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize