I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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