He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
When are your genitals available?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
