That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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