i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
