Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
