Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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