Don't make out with my wife yet
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
