When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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