I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Randomize
