Kiss
Puke
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
