Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
