I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
