At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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