You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize