I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
