Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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