found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
