I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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