So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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