When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
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