just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
