dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
