Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
