just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
