Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
