i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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