i just had sex bonerless
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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