and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
