Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
