Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
