I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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