The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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