We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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