I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I can text with my tongue
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
