Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
