My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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