Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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