I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Randomize
