the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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