this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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