Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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