Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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