12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
