$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
