Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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