i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
