Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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