The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
