she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
