shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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