I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
