the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
