So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
