u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
