don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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