I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
