I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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