i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
