Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
