yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
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