woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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