i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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