Your mouth is God's brothel.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
