You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
