I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
