Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
