you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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