remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
