you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
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