I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
