Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
