I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
