Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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