We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
