i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Did I show you my penis last night?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
