This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
