whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize