he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
