no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
