Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
