I just threw up on my dentist
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
