god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
