Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
