nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
My bed smells like the plague
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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