We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
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