did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
