Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize