Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
