We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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