he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize