PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
