No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
