Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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