I queefed so loud it echoed.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
