Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
