you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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