3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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