So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Dick very happy bro
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
