it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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