Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
