Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
