You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
