i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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