i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i wish my penis had a tongue
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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