how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
