i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize