I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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