1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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