she looked like the bat from fern gully.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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