So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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