I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
