Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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